Friday, June 06, 2008

Calamity Jane

As is so often the case, if you can step back from the trials and stresses of life you will find a fabulous story. Be warned, I hardly could have made up the things you are about to read. My dearest Jane is now cursed with bad luck...7 years in fact. Last night, she threw a 12 inch make-up mirror down the staircase. Perhaps she didn't like her reflection. Or maybe vanity has little to do with it. As the mirror was circular perhaps Jane thought it would bounce like a ball. Nonetheless, her bad luck started the morning before. Around 9am I found her scooping water out of the toilet with her plastic pink teapot and pouring that germ-infested water into teacups so she could quench her thirst. At noon she came to me with a uncapped glue stick in her chubby hand smelling much like what she held. Jane had spread the white paste all over her face. I am convinced she thought it was chapstick. Not knowing moderation, she reasoned if a little is good, a lot is much better. In the afternoon Jane had successfully tattooed her body with ballpoint pen and marker. Now I am convinced she is on the path of self-destruction. She must indeed have a personal insecurity. First she tries to poison herself with thousands of unseen microbes. Next she masks her face in white gunk. Lastly she resorts to body art to get some attention around here. Pobrecita! Being the last of four children is devastatingly difficult. Calamity Jane refuses to take the hand she was dealt. Her 2 year old scheming succeeded, she has my undivided attention and deepest sympathy for what her future might hold.

3 comments:

stephanie said...

what is it with two year olds? just yesterday, two of mine emptied a roll of tape, washed her hands and most of the kitchen in joy (the soap not the attitude), helped herself to baby lotion, and painted her toenails and the floor and her clothes a beautiful purple nailpolish. i think someday when they are all grown up, i will look back on these years and miss them.

just not today.

also yesterday, we hauled everyone into office depot for some stuff for daddy, and while samuel whined in the cart to be picked up (he has a bad virus) the girls chased each other round and round an post as clark carefully picked out his colored dividers. he looked up at the giggling girls and said "you know, it's like they have a playmate that never had to go home." they are my mess making blessings.

M&M said...

I love it!!!
I still think you should write a book...

Jeanine said...

Has Jane been secretly talking to Davis? Because I think those two have been conspiring with one another. Know that I feel your pain.
And what is it about TOILETS?????