Calamity Jane

As is so often the case, if you can step back from the trials and stresses of life you will find a fabulous story. Be warned, I hardly could have made up the things you are about to read. My dearest Jane is now cursed with bad luck...7 years in fact. Last night, she threw a 12 inch make-up mirror down the staircase. Perhaps she didn't like her reflection. Or maybe vanity has little to do with it. As the mirror was circular perhaps Jane thought it would bounce like a ball. Nonetheless, her bad luck started the morning before. Around 9am I found her scooping water out of the toilet with her plastic pink teapot and pouring that germ-infested water into teacups so she could quench her thirst. At noon she came to me with a uncapped glue stick in her chubby hand smelling much like what she held. Jane had spread the white paste all over her face. I am convinced she thought it was chapstick. Not knowing moderation, she reasoned if a little is good, a lot is much better. In the afternoon Jane had successfully tattooed her body with ballpoint pen and marker. Now I am convinced she is on the path of self-destruction. She must indeed have a personal insecurity. First she tries to poison herself with thousands of unseen microbes. Next she masks her face in white gunk. Lastly she resorts to body art to get some attention around here. Pobrecita! Being the last of four children is devastatingly difficult. Calamity Jane refuses to take the hand she was dealt. Her 2 year old scheming succeeded, she has my undivided attention and deepest sympathy for what her future might hold.