I don't know if you are alive or dead. I wonder if you wish circumstances were different. Do you live with nine years of regret? Do you live with recurring nightmares? Is the earth around your feet soft with tears? On the anniversary of the drop-off, do you visit the site of your heartache? Are you the stranger that asks what happened to the round-faced, man child, or are you glad in the not knowing? Were you brave to birth a child without permission? Or maybe you were the privileged one with a pregnancy sanctioned by the government. Did all your hopes and dreams alter with his twisted feet and folded hands? Do you keep the matching newspaper clipping in a secret spot in your drawer? I will never know if you sob into your pillow or bite your lips and think of something else.
This Mother's Day, I want you to know that your great sacrifice birthed your child in another woman's heart. I am your son's second mother and I know I would not have him without you. Oh, may you know he is loved, safe and treasured. Your son's brown eyes sparkle when he smiles, and he tells me jokes about barefoot bears. His twisted feet are straightened and he runs on a different continent with your blood coursing through his veins. He is first Chinese and second American. He wrote me a beautiful card for Mother's Day saying, "I love you, Mommy." My heart knows that that card should have been yours. Your love was bigger than his 14 pounds. You entrusted something priceless to the passing finder. He was found and named "little warrior." He inherited your strength and fought for the life you gave him.
The child found in Bengbu on February 7, 2007 is now our "gift of God." As he gets older and as he asks questions, I want you to know I will honor you. You chose life and our son is learning about the Life Giver, Jesus. May your Heavenly Father so assure you of his love for you that where your tears have softened the ground may 100 flowers grow.
Dear Mother across the ocean, may my thanks reach you and give you hope, joy and peace.
13 hours ago