Sunday, May 16, 2010

Adios “I”s and “Me”s

So I was sitting in church this morning feeling a bit blue. I still miss our Michigan church. We are back in the churchgoing south where there is a famine for hearing the word of God and church is focused on programs. We attend a very contemporary church which I struggle with accepting some of its showmanship and smoke machines. And as I thought about the lyrics in the worship time I realized why I find some of it so dissatisfying and depressing. The words were mainly superlatives. That’s great when you are singing about God, but it was superlatives in reference to my behavior. “I will ALWAYS love you and my EVERY heartbeat is yours.” How can that be? I am just human and I know the straying instincts of my heart, why should I sing a promise I won’t keep? I could sing empty words, but that is paramount to lying or delusional self-goodness. I could sing the trite and when I fail, the devil is going to jab his ugly finger in my face and say I told you so. Standing alone on my effort I will be guilt ridden and insecure. Whereas, the devil has no arrows of accusation when it comes to God’s character. God is above reproach. I wish more of the songs were focused on Him not me, because God will ALWAYS love me (even when my heart is divvied up, and my thoughts are elsewhere). I can sing about his love and his kindness, and be refreshed and drawn to thankfulness. I know by now that Christianity has very little to do about me, but EVERYTHING about CHRIST working in me. Yes, it's sobering for a control freak, yet to cast off a me-based theology is ultimately freeing.


M & M said...

very true.

WigintonFamily said...

wow, I so totally agree. I have had a hard time finding the "perfect" church. When we first moved, for weeks I would just cry in each different church because I just ached for MY church and MY church family back in Galveston.

Here it was so loud. Drums, guitars, chanty songs. I wouldn't let my kids in church for fear it would damage their little ears. We wonder what happened to the Baptist hymnal and the organ? To kids in church not shipped off to children's church. I think it's sad the trend Baptist churches are taking to be trendy, it seems more irreverent.

But that's just me and my opinion. I pray that God has a church in Abilene in mind for us and that we will fall in love with it, even if it's not perfect. Our Galveston church wasn't perfect either, but it just felt like home, where God wanted us.

In a few weeks I will graduate from being a resident's wife to being a doctor's wife. Strange. I wonder what that world will be like. I feel the need to go to the mall.

Shayna said...

I've been wondering what it is about some of the songs that we sing in church, and you've nailed it (for me). Why are our songs focused on ourselves instead of the Lord? I think that's also why I love hymns so much - they typically put the focus where it ought to be, on our Lord.